the world is ending!

i feel like i should write an end of the world post. do i believe that the world is going to end? no not really. but hey might as well enjoy the hype! i'm actually watching a countdown. it's slightly unnerving. i've actually been really nervous for this whole deal for the last year or so because of crazy people. i have had this theory that the crazies in the world were going to try their hardest to leave their mark. i don't know if the recent shootings in Oregon, Connecticut, Vegas, San Antonio, and all the other ones that i haven't heard about have anything to do with the world ending, but it is scary to think about. it makes me wish that i was in IF safe in my home with my dad's guns haha. i am a little too close to Vegas for comfort. but like i said, i fully believe everything is going to be good.

let's see. let's do a small update. i have been a vegetarian for almost a month now. and i really am loving it! people have really funny reactions though. it's either they really could care less or they are really opposed. i am all for it! remember my post complaining about how i get sick after eating sometimes? hasn't happened once since i stopped eating meat. i feel like i have a lot more energy too.
i am completely obsessed with the following at the moment:

• candy canes - because they are delicious
• playgrounds - because they are fun. i went to this playground down here. playground of the future i'm telling you. it was amazing.
• ellie goulding - she's amazing
• wild belle - they are amazing and so different
• blogs - i love to see everyone's personality through pictures, quotes, and posts. there are some absolutely mind blowingly creative people in this world

hopefully we all make it through the next 4 hours 53 minutes and 30 seconds. if not, it's been real. 

hey look i still have a blog..

i haven't been on here in almost two months haha. i guess i feel like i ran out of things to talk about/ having someone criticize my blog wasn't all that great. even though that is completely just an excuse. in reality, i have just been lazy.
so i guess i'm due for an update. i'm still in st george just trying to as my brother in law likes to call it "finding myself". i got to go home for a week the week before thanksgiving which was amazing. yes it was freezing (it even snowed while i was down there. hasn't since i left. it's a gift) but i was so grateful to be able to see my family and friends! it was a little bumpy at times because of course things are not the same as they were when i was there, but i feel like it was so worth the 45 dollar cab ride, the night in Vegas by myself (scariest night of my life. i thought i was going to get murdered), and the one and a half hour flight (this part was actually great haha). i got to be there for my mom's birthday which turned out amazingly thanks to my dad. it was the perfect time to be home. i really didn't want to leave and my mom kept offering to call my boss and tell him that i had been kidnapped haha.
i don't think anything of really great importance has happened other than going home. i have been going back and forth with the idea of moving home at the end of the year but right now that doesn't seem to be part of my overall plan. i mentioned quitting to my boss tonight which was one of the greatest things i have ever done. he was not ok losing me so he started offering me a lot of different options in order to keep me. as long as i can sell my contract, everything will work out i think. i need to keep working so that i can go back to school and have the money to actually afford it all. my education and degree have become very important to me because well i simply don't want to be working in retail for the rest of my life. hopefully the months will just fly by and it will be march before i know it.
i hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season and those of you who get to spend it with your families at home, be very grateful because you are very blessed. holidays are meant to be spent with your family and being away from that is not very easy. i am so lucky to have my sister and her family because when i am with them, i actually feel like it is christmas. it's extra hard here for it to feel like that because it looks like october and feels like september. i am very jealous of everyone in idaho even though they don't have any snow on the ground. well i will do my best to write a little more often on my blog, hopefully more meaningful posts haha.

the rules of a dance

today i am going to share with everyone my beliefs on dances. i absolutely LOVE to go to dances. i think a lot of that stems from the fact that i am addicted to music and what better place to go then somewhere where you can literally feel the music pounding in your ears and also in your chest. it's an exhilarating feeling! but this doesn't always happen at dances so i would like to propose these rules. number one. dancing isn't about one certain way of moving. it is about just going crazy and doing exactly what you feel like doing. it's like allowing yourself to be free. just because you don't think you can dance, doesn't mean you can't. yes many people are blessed to be amazing dancers but that is only in one sense of the word. i see a little kid going crazy to any song they hear and i think they are great! they just let their bodies move to what they hear. why should we have to be so old as to no longer do that? i love going with a group to a dance when i know that each of us is comfortable enough to just do our own little boogie and not have a care in the world about who's watching. cause honestly, who at most dances can really "dance" anyways? number two. no grinding. sorry this is not dancing folks.
i am starting to really love being in St. George. Mind you i do miss my family and friends everyday but i do enjoy being down here. I have been feeling more homesick than usual just because of stress and the fact that i will be visiting in 18 days! i am so excited! i love my family more than anything in this world and i am grateful to them for everything that they have done for me. my dad always likes to tell me that i am finally figuring out that they aren't so bad after all. it is so true! i hated my family for all of my teenage years. i just felt like there was such a void between us that it made my life harder. now, i call at least someone almost everyday and i text my mom all day long. which by the way i love! my mom used to never be one for technology and all of that but she really does text me all day long haha and i love that i feel like i can just talk to her about anything and that she has made an adjustment so that we can communicate more often. i am also very grateful for all my friends that have really helped me out especially in the last few months. they have all been so needed and i love having their support. one of the main reasons why i am starting to love down here is my ward. i'm not a huge part of it or anything. i barely know anyone. but because of that, it's not a social thing anymore. i know i haven't gone to church to actually learn since seriously i was probably 15. it has just been all about seeing people and all that jazz. i feel like since i don't know people, i don't sit there and just chat with people, i sit there and i actually listen. there is this teacher in my ward whose name i think is ashley, i don't really know, but she is amazing! i love it when she teaches because i really feel like i am learning so much and it's great. i always walk out of her class feeling just so happy. such as today :)

hi my name is nichole

i decided to write a post about myself haha. simply because i feel like i have changed so much over the last few years, i would kind of like to update how everyone sees me i guess.

 some facts.
i was born august 17, 1993
i have moved 6 times in the last year and a total of 7 times in my life
i have two full siblings and 4 half
i have 2 nieces and 6 nephews
my hair has been brown, basically blonde, the color of red velvet cake, and now it's supposed to be a dark brown but it still has a touch of red to it and i am wanting to put a teal streak in it
i have a cartilage piercing (it was my 19th birthday present to myself, originally i was going to get a tattoo but i got scared of the permanence of it)
i adore horror movies because i have yet to find one that actually scares me
i am a recent health fanatic. i love fruits and veggies and also natural remedies for anything, i think it is interesting
i love people more than anything else in the world. yes i am still kind of shy but not for that long
i love running
i am in the process of changing my life
i love random restraunts
i am not a fan of sweet things
i love the neuro drinks
i know exactly where my dream wedding dress is
i love road trips
i am addicted to music and love finding new stuff
i really like herbal tea
popcorn is my favorite treat and dr pepper my favorite drink
i love shopping for clothes because i have completely revamped my style
i love thrift stores and little boutiques
i love the snow
i have been in 2 wrecks because of the snow
i love dances
i hate my legs
my dream is to teach english somewhere on the east coast'
i love my last name
i love bdubs wings
i am a dog person
i love street art
i get attached to people very quickly and have a hard time letting go
i am a very strong believer in miracles and God directing people and events into our lives
i don't like dates that are unoriginal (restaurant, movie, blah blah blah)
i am obsessed with pintrest
i can actually cook really well
 i wish i lived in the 60's because i will forever wish i was a hippie.
i have a new found love for chuch
i love taking pictures and looking at people's photography
i feel like almost everyone in rexburg, my home, has fallen off the earth and it kills me everyday

that's all i can think of right now haha. i hope everyone is having a wonderful october 17th night!

why today was amazing

i literally had such a great day today! and it was so needed because last night was really hard on me. i just felt so burnt out on life and just like i didn't know what i was doing. then today i got up at 8 (i am not a morning person so this was hard on me!) and went to church in my singles ward for the first time. this kind of thing terrifies me. new people, new place, not my thing. but it was actually a great meeting! and the ward seems really nice! i left feeling really happy and just content with life. i decided to go on an adventure because i was feeling so rejuvenated. my mom suggested snow canyon and i decided why not. i went on a couple random hikes and was on one that i don't even know the name of. i kept going little further then i thought i wanted to until i decided to just stop and enjoy how beautiful and peaceful everything was. all the sudden, this lady came up the trail and we started kind of chatting. she was way interested in my life and i had a really bad night last night so i felt like i needed someone to talk to. i was completely open about telling her anything. come to find out, she's a life coach and she actually was supposed to be parachuting today but instead decided to go to snow canyon. she was so helpful! i got everything off my chest and she helped me kind of realize where i want my life to go and what to do to get there. she also really wants to keep in contact with me so she took down my information.
this might seem so unimportant to everyone, but to me it was such a blessing. things like this keep happening in my life and it just makes me know that God is really watching out for me. i am so grateful. today was so excellent and i feel like i can just do anything. i cannot believe that i have someone who is a professional life coach that is willing and wanting to help me in my life just because i met them on a trail at snow canyon. AMAZING.

a resume; perhaps the greatest one ever created

this is an exact resume that was turned into my work today. It literally made my night! So i thought i would share it with you :) minus the private info of course though. 
<insert name here> - A Resume
Hi! You need a employee who has advanced computer skills, customer service experiance, and an outgoing personality. I need to make $11 an hour (or more!), full time. Let's help each other out. Below is a listing of some positions I have filled in the past and other qualifications.
Recently, I was an overmold technician for RAM Company. They fired me, but you can give them a call at <insert number> and they can tell you all about me (ask for Patty in HR). This is a Saint George company who designs and manufactures solenoids for aircraft and military vehicles. I did that for them.
I also write open-source software, draw in charcoal, and compose electronic music. I don't smoke.
Previously, in Chicago, IL, I worked at a cyber cage for a year, and a few months at Jewel-Osco (a grocery store with the same parent corporation as Albertson's). Before that, I worked for Red Rock Canyon School as a graveyard shift security guard, back here in St. George; I did that for about a year. I did quite a lot of technical theatre work in my early twenties, and even worked at Kmart.
I am a high school graduate of Dixie High School in 1999, and I have taken a few college classes. So: Pretty motivated.
Thanks for taking the time to read this resume. We should get together and talk about our future.

lama wisdom and ahas

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2.  When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
20. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

-Dalai Lama

also as a side note, i think i've figured out what i want to do with my time here in st george. i am going to focus on me. i really haven't been strong in any aspect of my life since the time i was 16 because i've always just pushed everything away and not ever taken the time to deal with anything. that isn't a healthy way of living. i just feel like cleaning my life out idk how else to phrase it haha. i want to just be solely me and to not be affected by anyone or anything. i want to be strong. that is one word that i never would have used to describe myself but i feel like it could be. i can feel it inside me. i have unlimited potential and who knows where i can take my life. i feel like i'd accomplished being free of outside influences but that was at safe byui. here it gets taken to a whole separate level. a level where i can't just go along with everything but i am forced to really look at it all and decide what to do. i don't feel like i would be able to have that experience that anywhere else. this break is about as my brother in law always said "finding myself" which is crazy cliche but honestly it is. i have the opportunity to really become me and focus on me which is such a vital part of life and something i really feel like i need to do.

another side note. new favorite website!! i have been obsessed with graffiti and street art for as long as i can remember. pintrest has led me to a whole website dedicated to it! i can already tell i'm going to be spending a lot of time on here. 

street art utopia there's the url. go check it out! here's just a small sample. i think it is such an art and probably because i am no artist, i am obsessed.

p.s. as soon as october hits, i'm cutting my hair. not super drastic but different. yay change!

here we go again

i am moving into my apartment tomorrow. this makes number 6 move this year. last september i moved to rexburg, back to IF in december, back to rexburg in april, IF in july for a week, i've been with my sister and her family for a month and now i'm moving to st george to live with some girls my own age for the next seven months. do you know how scary seven months can seem after not living somewhere for longer than 4 months for the last year?! it is probably one of the scariest things i can think of. it is way more permanent then i know what to do with. i'm used to just thinking well if this doesn't work out, i'll be out of here soon. but that isn't the case here! it also stresses me out to think about trying to find people to hang out with because that would be an awfully long time to go without any fun. and living with the same girls for that long? that scares me.... i have such a hard time living with girls! it will always be my philosophy that girls are NOT meant to live together. at least this girl isn't. i'm not going to pack or anything tonight. just enjoy my last night being here and worry about it in the morning. i've got all day. please everyone pray that my stress has all been in vain.
i tell you one thing being down here has made me miss rexburg more than anything. i was so unsure about it last semester and being in IF never really helped that. it's easy to hate on rexburg when you're not there. unless you're in southern utah. then rexburg calls to you so bad that it literally hurts. especially once you hear about everyone you left having such a great time and getting to go to school. i miss going to classes. i really do love learning no matter how much i like to dislike it sometimes haha. and i wouldn't trade going to BYUI for anything. i am not your typical student by any means and of course i have my struggles there but it is an amazing place. the people there are like nowhere else. you cannot find such amazing people and friends anywhere else and the longer i'm away, the more i realize this. i just want to go and never leave haha. luckily for me i am headed up that way in the middle of novemeber. i could not be more excited. i am already counting down the days. especially because that will mark the halfway point :). i know if i can handle till novemeber, i can get a short break and then push on until april and then i get to go HOME. don't get me wrong, i love being at natalie and jeff's house and i could not be more grateful that they have let me stay here, i just realize that this area is not my home. i have a sense of belonging in rexburg. so i work as hard as i can and just wait. i'll be home soon enough :)

i hate chocolate

i hate all things sweet. like literally hate. looking at that statement you might go wow this girl is crazy! but i have my reasons. these foods (such as cake, brownies, ice cream, cookies, chocolate, pie, etc) are just not worth eating to me because i get so sick. i just have a problem of forgetting this... i honestly don't like the taste of most of those things since last year but i still get a sweet tooth sometimes. here's what happens. i eat something with sugar in it and then within 5 to 10 minutes i get amazingly sick. my stomach hurts so bad and my body gets burning hot. this can last anywhere from a half an hour to around 3 hours. it's not a consistent thing where i will get sick every single time i eat something sweet but it's over half the time. once it hits, i remember my hatred and curse myself for being so dumb yet again haha. reason why i'm writing about this? i woke up from my 3 hour sunday nap craving brownies. i made some and had some rocky road ice cream with it too. within minutes i was regretting it. i am almost feeling normal again but it's been about an hour. i just want to eat some steamed spinach now... i need to remember NOT to eat stuff like this because it really is never worth it because of how crazy sick i get. it does make me curious as to why this happens cause i know it hasn't always been like this, just like the last year. i'm really tempted to go and try to get it figured out but i have no idea where i'd even start. i just need to not forget so i don't have to go through feeling so sick.

fall must be in the air

it is surprisingly chilly today in St George. who would have thought?! i get to wear a cardigan with my shorts! and it's my cute one that i fixed with the heart patches on the elbows :) today i just felt like wearing warm cozy clothes and breaking out all my hats! it makes me unbelievably happy. i love the season of fall but i really don't think i will get a true fall here. their "winter" will be my typical fall temperatures so i'm just hopeful for that. on pintrest, i've been OBSESSED with all foods including some sort of pumpkin. pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bread, pumpkin fluff dip... it all sounds beyond amazing to me right now! i plan on testing them for sure but i say that always so i guess we'll see.
i have worked so much this week already. i work both at life is good and urban couture basically everyday all day. it's slightly exhausting haha but the pay check will be sooo worth it! anyways i should probably start to close. wish me luck with the rest of my week!! 

p.s. i decided to include a couple of the recipes i've found in case anyone else is craving pumpkin as much as me
cinnamon sugar pumpkin pull apart bread
pumpkin fluff dip
pumpkin muffins
pumkpin pancakes

birthday goals for next year!

1. NO soda. absolutely none.
2. run a 5k sometime this year
3. do something every month that i have always wanted to
4. never forget to be adventurous and do anything and everything
5. keep it simple

so idk if anyone noticed but my blogs photos are gone. which is nice and extremely irritating! i think i know what happened (it got connected somewhat to my google+) so i'm just going to have to go through and redo all of them... yay internet.

one time it rained at night

me and meg were watching we bought a zoo (which is a lovely movie that has AMAZING music in it) last night. it's tradition. every weekend we watch a movie out on the couches and sleep out there. anyways i glanced outside and saw that it was raining! so naturally we decided to go have an adventure :) we were out there for literally about an hour and just walked around in a circle in nauvoo's parking lot. lots of people were out on their balconies watching the rain/us but hey it was fun!!

no words

it's quickly becoming apparently that i am going to miss byui more than i can even imagine. i have made so many amazing friends that have been such an influence on my life and changed me forever. i have no doubt in my mind that this is exactly where i was supposed to be at this time of my life. i had absolutely no desire to be here at the beginning of the semester and it felt like this was such a mistake so many times throughout but now as there is only one week left, it is hitting me just how much my life has been impacted and how much i am going to miss being here. i feel like i will be missing out on so much! it kills me to think about it. i know that i will definitely be coming and visiting around every month if i can but at least every other. i don't want to per say be in IF but surprisingly in rexburg of all places. i don't want to lose touch with anyone here. i know that i will have a wonderful time in st george and that that is the place where i am supposed to be next. i need to be able to work to be able to continue my education and it will be nice to just have a break to clear my head and really focus on who i want to become. and since rexburg still feels like i haven't even moved away from home, i know it'll be great. i also know with all my heart that i will be back. i know where i'm going to finish my schooling. as much as i don't want to admit it, i LOVE it here. it is amazing how much my opinion has changed just because i lived with people that actually cared about me and was surrounded with absolutely amazing people. it is a complete reversal. march seems like forever away but hey if i'm having fun, it'll fly by! i cannot wait to see what adventures are waiting for me.
to my roommates (especially meg), my fhe brothers (especially hunter and john), all the girls in my ward (especially the girls from 406), and all the other people that have made this semester so amazing, consider this a formal thank you from me. you will never know the impact you have made on me and i cannot even express how grateful i am for each and everyone of you! i will miss each and every one of you so much and cannot wait to see you when i visit or even in the spring. i love you all.

countdown to the sun

i think the last two weeks of  semester have the potential to be the worst. nobody wants to be here anymore because they just want school to be over and to be home or where ever for a while. everyone is sick to death of their roommates (especially girls. we are not meant to live together i swear). i am just so excited to finally be doing what i've felt like doing since fall semester ended. i have so much to accomplish in the 10 days of school and 20 days till i move to basically a whole different world. aaahhhh!

i can breath again

i am so glad this week is over! it was definitely the most stressful of the whole semester so far. i had two test, psychology and science, a project for ED200, and a 10 page paper due in FD201. plus it was the 4th of july so i was gone for two days out of the week. and i made it!! i got everything done! i did have to stay up till around 4 every night but i got it all done.
i almost didn't go home for the 4th because of everything i had to do but in the end i was really glad i did. i went home with my roommate meg which made things even more fun. we woke up early on wednesday and got to get out on ririe lake. it was a blast! i got to wakeboard again and i am finally learning how to steer the board.

After that, we went and played frisbee for a while and had some lunch. then we went to the river and just hung out. it was wonderful. i do love IF no matter how much i would love to leave it just for a while. the fireworks were good but not as amazing as other years. i videoed the finale and ya it's sideways but here it is anyways.

we also lit off fireworks on the 5th with some friends. it was so much fun.

 altogether it was just a crazy week and i am so glad that i was able to make it though. now i just need to focus on moving to st george! :)

overdue for a new adventure

i feel like my life is just so conflicted and today it is all coming down on me. it is always just a struggle between the two sides of my life and it absolutely kills me. i don't really know why i'm having such a hard time with it all today cause usually i am totally fine. maybe it's just cause of how stressed i am. my needing to move keeps getting worse and worse. now it isn't for my original reasons but just to make a clean break to decide what i want to do in life. because at home i cannot do that and here at school i cannot do that. it's not like how it is for the kids that come from all over the country to go to school here. this is basically still like my home and i feel like my parents still won't let me go. moving isn't something i feel like i just want to do anymore, it's become something i have to do. i need to figure out my life without any of the influences that i have had in my life. i need a fresh start on my own. 4 weeks and counting. please keep your fingers crossed and keep me in your prayers that i will find what i need to in these next months. that my life will become what it needs to.

g'mornin rexburg!

every Wednesday i stay up as late as i can and just pound out homework. sometimes it's with my roommates, other times not. but when it is with my roommate Mikelle, we go and watch the sunrise. it is one of the coolest experiences ever. it is the most amazing thing to wake up to. it just makes me feel so happy and ready for the day. personally i think it is stunning :)

reason why i love summer #389

i am so sick of school! why? because i went camping with my family last weekend and it made me realize how much i just want out right now!! it made it so much worse. it's summer. i am not supposed to be in school.
my camping trip i went on was an absolute blast. i got to stay in a tent all by myself right next to a creek which i know is silly to point out but i honestly was so unbelievably happy with just simply that. it was one of the best nights sleep i've gotten in an extremely long time. it's amazing how something so unimportant can still be such a huge deal. i also got to hike up this crazy steep mountain with my sister and cousins so that was a lot of fun. i am that weirdo cousin that hangs out with all the little kids though haha. mostly cause there is no one my age but i like to think that i am just that cool. i won a spitting contest with all the boy cousins so i think that makes me pretty awesome. i just felt so happy and at peace. i really didn't want to come back to rexburg. i just wanted to become a hippie and stay there for forever and ever.
i love summertime for camping and boating and the sunshine BUT recently the thing i've been most grateful for is fresh fruit. it makes me so happy! i just finished my watermelon that i bought on saturday and for the last few weeks i've gone through at least 12 kiwis, 3 mangoes, a watermelon, 2 avocados, 4 peaches, and i now have a thing of strawberries in the fridge from my mom. and i am planning on going and buying some more today hopefully. i mean i eat other things too cause i have them (such as mint oreos which my mom also bought me and i cannot seem to stop eating which is BAD) but if i could, i would seriously just eat fruit and vegetables all the time. it's the only proper summertime food haha. yay for summer!!

bucket list!

i have made a bucket list! i got really bored in my book of Mormon class (which yes this is an everyday occurrence). it's mostly for this summer but also just for when i move!

1. get extremely tan
2. live by myself in st. george
3. go running every single day possible, no excuses
4. learn how to love baking/cooking
5. learn how to cook healthy food
6. go to one concert in SLC that i really want to see
7. watch the sun go down once a month
8. watch the sun rise at least once
9. sleep out under the stars
10. completely pay for my car
11. learn the constellations
12. have an all night movie marathon
13. learn how to longboard
14. go hiking in Zions
15. go hiking in Arches in the winter
16. purchase a Nikon camera
17. go on a shopping spree and blow a hundred dollars
18. shoot a gun
19. be a vegetarian for 2 weeks
20. not eat sugar for 2 weeks
21. work two jobs and still have a life
22. watch all the movies on my phone list
23. embrace simplicity
24. go to a film festival
25. go to a huge art festical
26. have a ton of huge bonfires
27. see a play at the outdoor theater in st george
28. have a mini garden
29. go to a spa
30. go skinny dipping
31. go to a drive-in in the back of a truck
32. go offroading in a jeep
33. take a road trip
34. make lemonade from real lemons
35. do an art project
36. make 100 bracelets
37. get a summer pedicure
38. get a henna tattoo
39. spend an entire day at the beach
40. rent four wheelers and go trail riding
41. go on a picnic
42. go wakeboarding
43. go to Vegas
44. visit the strip in Vegas
45. have an energy drink all nighter
46. give cookies to a stranger
47. attend a yoga class
48. color an entire coloring book
49. buy drip kid shoes go check this out. they're sick.
50. buy 6 inch heels
51. make a 3 tiered cake
52. wink at a random non creepy guy
53. go on a run at 4:30 in the morning
54. jump off a bridge into a lake or stream (cliff would work too)
55. go phoneless for 24 hours
56. not be able to remember a night
57. go to a new state i've never been to
58. spell out words with sparklers
59. make glow in the dark shirts
60. fly kites at midnight that have glowsticks splattered all over them
61. make smores
62. make a pie
63. go to a zoo
64. make a blanket fort and sleep in it
65. tie dye shirts
66. buy lemonade from a lemonade stand
67. go to a midnight premire
68. catch fireflies
69. go swimming at midnight
70. build a sand castle
71. go camping
72. try sushi
73. have a paint fight
74. get my tattoo
75. send a message in balloons
76. carve my name into a tree
77. have a shaving cream fight
78. blow a giant bubble
79. finger paint
80. watch a meteor shower
81. bake a rainbow cake
82. grow a sunflower
83. see a live street band
84. make at least half of the recipes on my pintrest board
85. go to goblin valley
86. go to a huge new year's eve party and actually get kissed at midnight (i had a boyfriend last new year's eve and i didn't even get kissed. so mad...)

that's what i've got so far!! i'm sure i'll add more in time and by all means if anyone has any suggestions, i'm more than open :)

roadblock

i am frustrated at BYUI today. i decided it was about time for me to find out about how to defer for next semester last night. guess what i found out. i need to have an ecclesiastic endorsement in order to not attend school. for everyone who doesn't know what that is, basically i have to pass an interview with the bishop. i think this is absolutely ridiculous! i shouldn't need to do anything like that in order for me to go and work instead of go to school. i mean the process is complicated enough without adding me having to go talk to the bishop! and k this wouldn't be a big deal if i felt comfortable going and talking with the bishop. i have things in my life that i will eventually have to deal with via the bishop but you know what, i don't feel like right now is the time for that! it needs to be on my own time. i just don't see why i need to get the bishop's OK in order for me to go and do something that i feel very strongly is the right thing for me to do. oh and i have to be APPROVED for a deferment! it is MY choice. NOT the school's. if i really don't get the approval, i am seriously done with this school. it is just so irritating to me. everything in my plan has fallen into place surprisingly well and i've had no issues until this. and this shouldn't have to be an issue in my opinion.

being so mad at everything here reminds me of how much i am surrounded by amazing people. my fhe family is beyond amazing and i am so grateful for them!

i am also so grateful for my roommates. they are all amazing girls and they are always there for me.  i am missing two of them but this is the best picture i've got of the three i've known longest! i would like to point out here that i am the only brunette in the apartment.

i am especially grateful for my room roommate meg. she listens to me complain about my life for hours and hours at night and i love her SO much.

<3 you all!

amercia!

alright so everyone should go look at this haha but skip to minute 5. that's where it gets wonderful. this absolutely brilliant and hilarious. the national anthem is the best. please remove your shoe and place your hand on your appendix with me :)

oh how time flies

I'VE BEEN GRADUATED FOR A YEAR! how flippin weird is that thought?? it just hit me when i was going though all the pictures on facebook. it is so unbelievable to me! i feel almost old haha. it is just so weird to think that a year ago i had just graduated and how much i have grown and changed since then! i kind of what to write it all out but i know i will leave stuff out. hmm let's see... well i met a whole bunch of new people that i love with all my heart last summer. they accepted me without even a second thought and i am so grateful for them. i miss last summer and how easy everything was and the people that were my life back then that no longer even a part. i worked at costa vita for a while and furthered my dislike for working with food. i learned to love working out. i learned how to get along better with my family. i got in a huge fight with my best friend that i will always regret even though we are good now. i came up to BYUI and had an extremely emotionally rough semester where i lost over 30 pounds because i stopped eating. i made friends with some amazing friends especially current roommates who will forever be part of my life. i grew so much closer to my little sister and a lot closer to the rest of my family and no longer fight with them on everything. i moved back to IF and the first two months were hell. everything i had hoped for happened but it wasn't the right path for my life and it was really hard on me. i had to learn how to work through things i never had before. i learned who my true friends are. oh i almost forgot. i dated one of the most amazing guy/friends i will ever have. because we dated, we are no longer friends which is something i still have a hard time with. i worked at zurchers and learned a ton about how crazy ladies are but also how to be in a position of management. i definitely went a little crazy haha and loved every second of it. now i'm up at BYUI again for my second semester trying to decide where i should go next. i am completely different person then i was last year and i don't regret any part of it. i am so grateful for my experiences, friends, the fact that i have crazy opinions, and i know who i am. it has been an extremely crazy rough year on me and i wouldn't have ever imagined any of it but i am so unbelievably proud to say that i am so much stronger than i have even been and ever thought i would be in my entire life. i cannot wait to see where i will be this time next year because honestly i never know what my life will throw at me next! :)

Why are we ok? - an essay for FDENG201

Why are we ok?

            One of the observations that was made by a classmate was that when a person is asked how they are, they almost instinctively respond with being good, fine, or ok. It is never anything different. This really made me think. I started trying to notice how often I would say the same. Turns out, it was almost every single time. I feel almost as if society expects us to be ok and nothing less. It made me wonder why unhappiness is unacceptable and how this affects each of us.

A couple of weeks ago I had a thought when I was on a run and thinking about this essay. The main question I was thinking about is what does it take for a person to be truly happy? This has actually been on my mind the entire semester because I don’t feel like I am happy being here. I’ve been trying to figure out what I need to do in order to be in the state of mind I want to be. I felt like in almost all of my classes, they were all talking about the same thing; making the conscious decision to be happy no matter what. I still felt like something was missing from this though. After being instructed to try to further observe the world around me, I didn’t really find anything that I felt was life changing. One of my classmates shared that she had noticed that people always say that they are ok when asked how they are. This hit something in me. I began to really think about it. I kept thinking that in order for a person to be truly happy, they have to first be truly happy with not being happy.

I feel like every time I try to figure out where my life is going and where I would like it to go, I always have to think of will it make me happy instantly. In today’s world, we want everything right now. We don’t want to have to go through anything in order to get what we want. I also feel like society expects me to be completely happy with everything in life. I’ve always been that girl who has had a smile on her face because I had a pretty easy life. Three years ago that all changed. I had an experience that created a change in me forever. I was no longer that same girl but I was expected to be that person still. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be not ok. It took me forever to accept how much I had changed and I am still struggling with it today. I feel almost as if because I had continued on with life like nothing had happened when I really just needed to face it, it made it all worse. It continued to spiral out of control until I finally began to get a grip on it. I didn’t try to deal with it until it had affected me so much. I feel like so many people in society try to just push through any issue that comes their way. To me this is not a good way to deal with anything. I believe that we need to actually take the time to think about the hard times in life and take the time to grasp them. In today’s world however we have to always be happy. No matter how great of an issue we have, we are expected to put a smile on our faces and act like it never happened.

I brought my thought to the most open and social place I know of; Facebook. I asked everyone if they thought in order to be truly happy, they had to first be happy with not being ok. I got a couple of very interesting thoughts. A common opinion was that you have to first be ok with where you are at in life and then happiness will come. We cannot be worried about trying to always be happy. Not everything in life can be perfect at all times. It just isn’t the way it is supposed to be. We are supposed to go through trials and hard times in our life because that is what shapes our lives. It molds us into the person we are supposed to become. In order to for us to learn from these hard times though we have to accept the fact that they are there and they will help us grow. We have to learn from the hard times in order to become stronger.

I do believe with all my heart that happiness is a decision though. One of my favorite quotes is by Henry Ward Beecher. It says “The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.” It is each and every one person on this Earth’s decision on whether they want to be happy. There are so many stories of people that have such horrible lives but yet they are so unbelievably happy. One of my favorite things in this world is to watch videos of African children just dancing and singing. They are so simply happy yet compared to my life, they have nothing. They have come to just love the life they have been given. I feel like because their lives are so much more simple and less complicated, they don’t have to worry about the unimportant things in life that tend to cloud our lives. I need to learn how to make my life simpler and just focus on what makes me happy. I’ve lived 18 almost 19 years of life and I definitely know what makes me happy. I just let other things cloud that happiness.

It is a delicate balance to figure out the line between accepting unhappiness in order to let it change you and making the conscious effort to find happiness in everyday life. I believe that is one of our greatest struggles in life. My main goal is to find that balance so that I can be happy no matter what I go through in life. I know that I will have to go through difficult times and that I need to be ok with that in order to take from it what I need. I don’t want to just be ok. I don’t want to be happy just because that is how society wants me to be but genuinely happy because I am.

so i was thinking...

something that has been on my mind recently for i don't know what reason has been all the guys going on missions. i don't think us girls realize how difficult this is. we just like to make sure they go and if they don't we're typically not ok with it. i just started thinking (since i'm almost 19) what if i was having to go through all of that. i know for a fact i wouldn't be able to do it for a number of reasons. it just put it into better perspective for me and really made me think.

also in my english class, i found my reason for why i blog in a perfect quote. "i am i plus my surroundings and if i do not preserve the latter, i do not preserve myself." -jose ortega y gasset
the reason for this blog is to remember things in my life. i try to just put the happy things but it's mostly just to preserve my thoughts and the things i do so i don't forget. i just really liked that quote though haha.

pondering on a mistake

guess what... i'm completely broke... haha and it sucks. i literally have around 200 dollars in my bank account and that is it. this is seriously way stressful to me! it just makes me think again that i really shouldn't have come to school this semester. so far, i have no motivation to be in school. i am having an alright time but not as much fun as i would like to be having. and in all honesty, i should have just listened to the few people that told me to go with what my heart was telling me to do. i didn't want to go to school because i really felt like it wasn't the right place for me to be and i still feel that way. nothing has changed. if i would have moved to st george instead of going to school, i could have bought a decent car, had my apartment and would be able to work in order to actually have money. i don't even know how i can afford to do anything next semester. actually i know for a fact that i can't. i am so broke. i feel like my only option is to stay at home and live and work there which i just don't feel like i can handle. i really feel like i need to go somewhere and just be able to experience the life i want to. i know that is what college is supposed to be like, but i never can feel like it really is. i know that the only reason i'm at this school is because it is what everyone does and because it was cheap. since when did i do what everyone else does? it's not really my thing. and i really do have such a hard time with some people here. i know it is a great school i just sometimes don't feel like it's a great school for me personally. anyways i really am starting to regret letting the decision get made for me that i needed to go to school. i should have stood my ground and done what i wanted. i would have been so much better off in so many ways. i honestly have no idea how anything is going to work out now and it is so stressful but theres nothing i can do but wait it out and let the punches roll. i know one thing for sure, it's not going to end well.

rough thoughts

so i for some reason am thinking about everything in my life today. i keep thinking about last year. i miss everyone so much. i miss the way things used to be. i miss the people in my life that really cared about me and that were always there for me. i miss being in IF. i miss feeling like i knew what i was doing in life and like i knew where i belonged. i cannot even begin to wrap my mind around how much everything has changed. i have no idea what to think anymore. i keep thinking about how i am not going to school next semester and how much that scares me but i really want to do it at the same time. i haven't ever had to experience a change that big so of course it scares me so much. it is definitely on my mind everyday. it influences almost every action i have. i don't want to get serious with anyone because i don't want to have to leave them. i know it is something i need to do. i just keep having this almost pain that makes me want everything back. but that's not life. i have to just keep moving forward and hoping for the best.  

quick quote from the roomie

me-"if you are what you listen to and i listen to so much random stuff, what does that make me?"
megan-"a whore!"
me-"haha wow that kind of makes sense..."

don't mess with 402

 it all started with this can of clam chowder

don't mess... we will get you...

opinion overflow! ED 200

I just got out of my Ed200 class and I can tell already it is going to be super interesting. I didn’t think my opinions on things like education would differ that much from other people buuut apparently it really does.

The first thing that really irritated me was this guy going off about how education needs to be run more like a business. It is nothing like a business. It’s not all about getting a profit in the end. It’s about the students and helping them reach their potential. I could tell he wasn’t from Idaho from that because that’s the way that it’s been run for the last couple of years. It doesn’t work. Education is completely put on the back burner when really it is what is shaping our future. If we don’t have a good education system, we aren’t trying to help the future generations be their very best.

The next thing that really got to me was a girl that brought up “unnecessary” classes. The one she specifically talked about was sex ed. K ya I realize that this is a touchy subject and I get that she believes it should be solely taught in homes. But how often is that really going to happen? That’s not how our generation is. There are so many broken homes and kids come from such rough backgrounds. I really actually think it’s important for kids to properly learn everything in a good environment. If they aren’t taught and are just ignorant, that is only going to create problems in the future. But if they are being taught about safe sex, etc… they will be able be able to make the best and most informed choices in the future.

We also talked a lot about public school teachers and how they are such a problem. I mean yes of course that’s an issue and it’s going to continue to be an issue because that’s just how life is. But it’s part of the reason why I believe so much in the importance of public schools. They prepare students for life. Life is going to be hard just like school. It’s going to be full of people from all different perspectives on life. It’s full of people that aren’t going to put their full efforts into the things they do. Each of us has had a horrible teacher. Each of us are going to have bad bosses. It’s just one of those things in life. I want to be the best teacher I can possibly be but there’s nothing that we can do about those teachers that aren’t so great. And I honestly feel like they do teach the children to deal with situations like that. I think that public schools are so important for the future to teach children how the world is. I really feel strongly about it. And like I said, I thought my opinion was pretty normal but I’m starting to see it isn’t! so this definitely going to be interesting to say the least.

second chances and april showers

first things first, i give up on the photo challenge.... haha with school starting and everything, i simply just don't have time! i have spare time but not enough to specifically take the time to find that day's photo.

today was the first day of my second semester of college! i was scared to death of starting again because just how everything was last semester and i don't want a repeat of it all. but i'm feeling pretty good! all my roomies seem alright (quirky as ever mind you) but ya it should be good! i'm trying to keep an open mind about everything and not be judgemental about anything. i am really missing my friends from home just because i love them so much and we had so many good times! but i'll make my own fun haha. and it's not that long of a time to be gone honestly. oh ya that reminds me, i am as of right now defering next semester so i can go and work for both fall and winter and then not be super broke anymore. everything that i had wanted to do was just falling apart and so i am kind of taking it as a sign that i should do something else. that way i don't have to take a loan and i'll be able to stay out of debt for a longer time which is an amazing thing. also i would love to have a car but i don't have the money for it so i was going to take a loan out for that but i mean if i'm working then i don't have to take out that money and i can actually buy something decent. it makes the most sense and i think it will work out really good.

but ya hopefully everything will be ok and it will all work out the best it can! i mean so far so good! oh and p.s. i'm getting a new phone tomorrow cause mine has been super glitchy and a pain. plus it's like 2 years old and very abused. keep your fingers crossed that i will the best semester possible!! i need a good one more than anything else right now :)

as spring is the air! everyone is all twitterpatted and there are couples everywhere but there are actually colors in the world again! spring does mean insane windyness in the burg but as soon as the flowers start coming out and the sun starts shinning again, i won't be complaining one bit!

six thru twelve

i resorted to old pictures this time on account of i seriously haven't had the time to do anything cause of packing, but i wanted to get caught up haha.

day six- lunch. i love los albertoes!

day 7- shadow. this was taken on the day that i spent downtown taking pictures while waiting. it was a very interesting day haha

skipping number 8 cause honestly who wants to take a picture and or see a picture of the inside of my wallet? it's nothing spectacular i promise.

day nine- younger you. from my trip to shayas cabin haha

day ten - cold. from the first time it snowed up at school 

 skipping number 11 as well because i don't typically eat breakfast.

day 12- stairs. again from my downtown trip. it's the stairs from the bonneville hotel. i loove them

 finally caught up :)

memories of the sun

as the weather gets warmer and warmer, i keep just waiting for summer because i honestly love it so much! i was thinking today about some of the best memories that i have from last summer. the ones i could think of was going off roading with danny and looking at the stars afterwords as well as all of our talks together about everything in life, hiding in the back of his pickup with jack haha, driving all the way to rexburg with garen to get a snow cone of all things, spud day parade with dylan, floating the canal with the sibs (i love this so much), going to girls camp with chloe, there are just so many!! i love summer because it seems like no matter what you do, it will always be something great because of how much there is to do! i love winter for this same reason haha but still i am just craving the sunshine!

most people that are close to me know that i'm obssesed with music. like obssesed isn't even the right word probably haha. these are my official summer songs-

barefoot blue jean night-jake owen
heres to us-halestorm
i wanna-the all american rejects
this city-patrick stump ft lupe fiasco
believe-the all american rejects
no chaser-go periscope
wild ones-flo ride ft sia
kiss my sass-cobra starship
middle finger-cobra starship ft mac miller
runaway baby-bruno mars
save a horse (ride a cowboy)-big and rich
bet i-b.o.b
home-edward sharpe and the magnetic zeroes
we run the  night remix-havana brown ft pitbull
colours-grouplove
chloe-grouplove
the sun-the cataracs
why don't we just dance-josh turner
midnight city-yonas
country girl-luke bryan
kids-mgmt
we are young-fun
loud-mac miller
shots-lmfao
yes-lmfao
addicted-bliss n eso
clothes off-gym class heroes
@!#?@!-motion city soundtrack
dose of dopeness-kid cudi
high off life-wzrd
the sound of sunshine-michael franti and spearhead
summer nights-lil rob (absolute classic right there)
anything by panic! at the disco but expecially new persepective, ready to go, the calendar, and hurricane

oh yes and i'm behind on the photo challenge thing but i am going to get caught up tomorrow hopefully!

3 reasons

i am not just complaining to complain... i have my reasons.

number 1 - my wall(s)/masterpiece (you can't even see all of it)

 number 2 - the fact that my room looks like a tornado went through it

 number 3 - my closet might look empty but that's cause i have to find all the clothes that belong on the hangers which is one of my least favorite things in the world to do

help me....

today it is friday, we so excited!

i'll post the picture a day thing tomorrow buuuut today is FRIDAY! and being friday i would like to share a wonderful video!! :) it is a wonderful remake of a horrible song. give it a chance! plus they're british so i mean what do you have to lose! plus one is pretty cute if i don't say so myself haha. enjoy and have a wonderful weekend!

p.s. IT'S MY LAST DAY AT WORK!!!

mail/happy/tiny

mail- empty mailbox cause i NEVER get mail





 someone who makes me happy- my dad. i love my dad so much. he is one of the only people in the world that i actually listen to and that i respect his opinion and what he has to say. i am so grateful for him.

tiny- i have an obsession with baby shoes. i think they are absolutely adorable!!